Week One Postpartum Journey - What to Expect During the First Week of Having a Newborn (Copy)
I wanted to share this with everyone in the hopes that one lady might find this that is going through their postpartum journey and struggling with the waves of emotions. For that one lady that is thinking she isn’t normal, or that something is wrong. For the lady who is being too hard on herself. I am hoping that this has found you.
Week One Postpartum Journey -
What to Expect During the First Week of Having a Newborn
This week has been so full of ups and downs. It is pretty crazy the whirlwind of emotions that you go through after labor and bringing your little one home. There is so much joy, so much self-doubt, and so much worry. There is so much pressure on a new mama to be happy, ‘bounce back’, and just act like nothing has changed.
The thing is, EVERYTHING has changed. Your whole world has been flipped. You now have a new little one at home, you hurt from giving birth, your body is doing some crazy things to adjust, and you are no longer pregnant which is a whole different feeling.
For me, I struggled. A LOT. I don’t really want to admit it, but I did. So let’s talk about all the feelings that happened
1.I started off in baby heaven.
The first couple days were amazing! I was so happy to have Juniper home and to be honest, I was over the moon to not be pregnant anymore. Pregnancy was hard on me, so it was wonderful to not be pregnant. We had a first couple of really good days. It felt like I was in a really wonderful dream. Just happy as a clam. Juniper was also sleeping which super helped my mood.
2. Worry started to settle in.
On Day 3 little Juniper gave us a scare. We had to run her to the ER because her face started turning blue and purple. We called the nurses and they were worried that she wasn’t getting enough oxygen so we rushed to the ER. They first thought it was a heart problem and wanted us to go to the Childrens Hospital, but then eventually said that is typical for this age baby. They sent us home and told us to just watch her and make sure she was breathing ok. Needless to say, I didn’t sleep at all that night.
I started to get worried that I wasn’t doing anything right. That I was a bad mom. That I didn’t know what I was doing. That my husband didn’t love me anymore. I actually really felt like I got replaced. That he loved her more than me. I know that isn’t true, but it was just a feeling I had.
3. Crying happened even when I didn’t want it to or when I tried not to
After not getting any sleep because I was worried about Juniper I think I was just done. I started crying for no reason and for really all the reasons. I was worried, tired, exhausted, stressed, struggling with the change, frustrated with myself that I wasn’t happier, struggling with my marriage for no real reason other than what I was saying in my head, and I was hurting everywhere. My milk still wasn’t coming in which made me feel like a complete failure as a mom. I was super worried about this because of the formula shortage happening. We started supplementing with formula just to make sure little Junie was getting enough to eat.
My poor husband. I was a complete mess for all the reasons. The thing is, is this is completely normal. I was exhausted. I just went through 4 days of being in a hospital. I just went through having a baby which is the hardest thing a woman’s body is going to do. I wasn’t getting any sleep whatsoever and my whole life had changed in the blink of an eye. My hormones were completely at a whack and my body was trying to heal from labor.
“It is ok to cry. It is ok to break down. It is ok to say you aren’t ok and it is ok to ask for help. ”
4. I got happy again, then sad, then happy. I couldn’t control my emotions
The fifth day things started looking up. I was feeling good again. Happy again. My milk started coming in so that was such a relief, and my husband took care of Junie to where I was able to get a few solid hours of sleep without worrying non stop. It was a good day, but by the end of the day I was tired and could feel me getting sad yet again. Honestly I believe this is all the hormones and lack of sleep.
5. My body hurt like hell
Everything hurt. My boobs hurt from growing, my nipples hurt from nursing, my downstairs hurt from labor and the second degree tear that I have, my whole body hurt from labor…. literally everything hurt.
I couldn’t sit down without it taking a few minutes. I couldn’t stand up without it just taking forever. I was having a hard time going to the bathroom and I was bleeding like a stuck pig.
“Let me tell you, postpartum pain is no joke. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. ”
6. My appetite was completely gone and my taste buds were all at a whack
The entire week my appetite and tastebuds were off. I couldn’t stand the taste of anything. All I wanted was fruit. Fruit was working very well for me, but anything else I wanted to gag. I also wasn’t hungry. I was trying to force myself to eat, but even that wasn’t working. I tried making smoothies, and that seemed to work just ok, but still wasn’t getting enough calories in. I was losing weight really quickly (almost a pound a day) which had me incredibly nervous.
7. I started to feel like no one cared about me
Taking care of a newborn is such a huge change. Your world is completely flipped upside down. You go from having a schedule and being able to do whatever you want to do and then BAM, your schedule is now on newborn time. That is basically all you do is take care of your little one. It is amazing, but so damn exhausting. I am a really busy person so not being able to do the things I had set out to do that day rocked me.
Everyone was so enthusiastic to see Junie and that was awesome, but it seemed like no one cared about me. Now, I know this is ridiculous because my family is amazing and they all love me like crazy, but I still felt like no one cared. I felt like I was crying for help and no one was listening. I was literally crying, telling people that I was hurting, explaining that I was worried about my breast milk, my losing too much weight, my not eating anything, and it didn’t seem to phase anyone. Everyone just acted like ‘Ya well such is motherhood’ or ‘Ya well you just had a baby so things will get better. Chin up girl’. I didn’t want that. I wanted someone to say ‘oh I am so sorry Bess. I am here for you if you need anything’.
I again blame the lack of sleep, my body hurting, and the hormones trying to get back to normal, but it sucked to feel this way.
8. I felt empty inside
It was the strangest feeling. I mean I was actually empty compared to what I was while I was pregnant, but I felt empty. It felt like there was something missing. A big hole. I don’t know how else to explain it.
9. Things started looking up
By day 7 everything was getting back to being ok. I could sit down without feeling like I was going to tear somewhere or bust something open. I had gotten into the groove of taking care of our new precious girl. I had gotten a bit of sleep which helps like crazy, and I think my body was adjusting to not being pregnant anymore.
We had our first doctor appointment and everything went great. She had lost 8% of her weight, which the doctor said was completely normal. It was wonderful to hear our doctor say ‘she looks perfect!’.
It was a great feeling to get through the first week knowing that we didn’t utterly screw up!
My first week postpartum was rough. I felt like I was on a rollercoaster of emotions, I was tired, and my body ached. I was pretty frustrated with myself that I wasn’t happier. That the baby heaven phase didn’t last for weeks. That I wasn’t just this glowing new mama. I was a beautiful mess. During this time, I was really just trying to embrace all the feelings, enjoy having Juniper with us, and trying to figure out how to get sleep so I didn’t completely lose my shit.
Honestly, I don’t know what I would have done without my husband. He is a saint and was just so understanding about what I was going through it was amazing.
So, there you have it. My whirlwind of emotions. I wanted to share this, because I honestly didn’t expect any of this to happen. I expected to hurt and be tired, but I didn’t expect all the ups and downs. I wanted to share this to let other women know they aren’t alone. To also let other people know what new mamas are going through.
Wishing you nothing but beautiful days and happy moments
Bess