The Journey to Finding Myself
This is not going to be an easy post to write, but I want to share what is on my mind and what I am going through right now.
Last year was a terrible year. Everything seemed to be so negative, so hard, and so difficult. At the end of the year, I really took a step back and wondered what the heck really happened last year. Why did it go so bad? After doing some pretty big soul searching, I came to realize, that it was mainly my own fault. Let me explain…
Figuring out the problem
I am incredibly hard on myself and I have some super negative self talk. It is bad. I know people say this all the time, but I truly 100% mean it. I am mean. I call my self stupid, dumb, fat, unworthy, ugly…. I constantly tell myself that I am not good enough. That I suck at what I do. Once I started to think about this, I started to realize that all those bad moments last year, all those bad things that happened, weren’t actually that bad. It was really just me being mean to myself and telling myself that I could have done better, that I didn’t try hard enough, that I suck.
How did this all happen? Growing up, I was a super happy person. I was full of love and life. I always felt like I was a light in the darkness. Like I was there to make people happy and show them the good in the world. For some reason, the last couple of years, I feel as though a darkness has come over me that I just can’t shake. I have prayed about it, I have tried to fix it, I read my daily devotional, but for some reason this dark shadow just won’t leave me.
In my searching, there are a few things that really stood out to me. First of all, my soul sucking cubical job. I truly believe that this was the very beginning on the darkness or the negative feelings that I have been having. Another thing is the fact that I started my photography business. My business has been slow to move. I put so much into that business hoping that it will eventually help me leave my day job and go full time photography. I just put too much pressure on myself and my business to where I became resentful rather than happy. The last thing was starting this website. I started Adventuring of a Small Town Girl for fun. I wanted somewhere that I could put my thoughts, share my recipes, and hopefully help others along the way. I started it for FUN and I ended up making it a stressful/ pressure point in my life. I went balls to the wall and it made it…. well not fun anymore.
The Beginning Journey to Finding Myself
So, in my searching last year and the beginning of this year, I am determined to find myself again. To find the real me. The happy me. The me that I love. The person I know I am. I haven’t been that person in quite sometime and it is time to get her back.
In February I started the journey to finding myself again. To get back that happy go lucky girl. To find the girl that I know I am and the girl that I want to be. In starting this journey I ended up joining a fitness challenge group. Something that I love to do is run. I am a runner and I stopped running on a regular basis. I let my work get in the way of self care. So, in February, I decided enough was enough. If I can’t take care of myself, then how am I supposed to be my best self? How am I supposed to become the person I know I am meant to be?
The challenge was the Beach Body T20 challenge. It was a 6 week challenge with 20 minute workouts 6 days a week. It was awesome. I felt so accomplished, so motivated, and pretty much just amazing. I noticed all the things starting to change in my life. So, now, I am going to start the challenge over again. Starting Monday, will be the beginning of my 6 week challenge. If you want to join me, leave me a comment below or send me an email. I would absolutely love to have company :)
Once I finish this 6 week challenge I will provide you with an update. I have also decided to take a nutrition course, because I loooovvvveeee food and I know that this area in my life is where I struggle the most. With all that being said, I technically became a coach. WHAAATTTTT????? Yeppers, that is right. So if you want to join me along with this journey, and this adventure, my Beach Body Coach ID is 1909634 . So head on over to Beach Body on Demand, sign up, and add me as your coach by using the Coach Id or searching my name Bessie Young (firstname.lastname@example.org). We can do this thang together!
So, more to come in my next posts :)
Wishing you an amazing 2019.